i'm getting nauseous

just got an email from the school.
yay for academic probation!
i am sick to my stomach right now. and Jason is trying to help, and only making it worse.

i need to go do something. i don't know what, but I can't sit here and just think, its starting to drive me nuts.

and Megan, I love you, but if you're reading this, do it as a friend and not an Officer. I can't deal with that right now. I'm more than sure it will be taken care of next semester.

so.

I have been home for a whole three days.

THREE DAYS.

And mom is already getting on my case for not having a fucking job.

I just dropped off an application today, and guess that I did it wrong.

She said she doesn't make me pay rent because I came home to save my money and work, but since I'm not working I need to be busting my ass at cleaning the house.

Now if the house was trashed, I could see where this is coming from. But seeing as I just cleaned, and everything is in it's place, she's off her fucking rocker.

I just want to leave.
FUCK

rawr.

Shit has been going down.

Told Jason the things Claudia has said to me, it seems like her world is starting to fall apart. Jason and Brad are both mad at her for their own respective reasons. I feel bad, I didn't mean to mess up their friendships...but I didn't know what else to do. The things she was saying were really starting to hurt my feelings, and he wanted to know what exactly she said. I didn't even tell him everything, since it was literally beating a dead horse at that point.

Got home, dealing with friend drama. This is okay so far, but lets see how things go once alcohol is involved.

I miss Jason like bonkers, but I'll be okay.

I told mom about changing my major. She is NOT happy.

She also thinks that Jason is nothing special.
Along with this, I want Jason to come and visit when my grandma gets here, because that's the weekend after our 3 month anniversary. But mom said if I'm going to act like that already, then I can go act like that somewhere else.
Wtf is that supposed to mean?

Guess what, I don't care what she thinks. And this is starting to sound like a horrible movie cliche, but I love him. So it really doesn't matter what she thinks.
I just wish she would like him for his sake.

Lets see where this summer leaves me. It'll be a bumpy ride.

Green eyed monster?

Jason: where were u?
me: when?
Jason: after work?
me: ummm i just got to work?
Jason: my work
i txted you to give you ur money and never heard anything...
me: i didn't get one :/
Jason: did you go to lunch with whatever?
me: whoever?31123001515918
eek
Jason: idk lol
me: yeah, i went to lunch with josh
Jason: off campus?
me: and steve asked if we wanted to play video games since we all had to be at work at 6
yeah
h&w
Jason: who is this josh?
me: a friend that i work with
?
Jason: oh okay
he make any moves?
me: are you serious?
Jason: lol
i meant that jokingly
me: didn't sound that way
Jason: forgot it doesnt translate to aim
me: jealousy translates well :P
Jason: i wasnt jealous.....
i trust you, no need to be jealous
I PASSED OPERATING SYSTEMS F*CK YA
me: i know :)
subject change fail though
Jason: im starting at it amazed
just wanted to share
me: you already told me that one :P
and that sri didn't
and is probably super pissed
Jason: ya brad did also
YAY
me: yay!
but fail still
Jason: sorry
me: mrrr
Jason: mrrrr to you to


And that was the end of that line of convo
I gave up on him changing the subject.

Many things i can deal with, but a jealous boyfriend is NOT one. I have more guy friends than girl friends. He's going to have to get used to that, and he's going to have to do it fast, or I'm just going to get pissed off and resentful. And maybe a little vindictive and belligerent. Because that's generally what happens when I get irritated.


And I don't think I'm over reacting, this is the third time in less than a week that something like this has happened.

houston, we have a problem...

so, talking to Jason this morning, he said he was really upset with himself after we woke up the other morning and saw the mass amount of hickeys/teeth marks on my chest/shoulder area.

when I asked him why, he said because he wasn't raised that way. after asking for clarification, it was clear that he meant he was raised to not hurt/harm women.

does that count? it's pretty common knowledge amongst the people that read this that I am not a vanilla kind of person (sorry if this is over-sharing, Pete), that a little bit of pain is actually really a turn on.

but, the way he said it, he sounded legitimately upset with himself.

what to do? if it bugs him I don't want to make him uncomfortable, but at the same time, it's what I'm into...

???

mauled by a bear?

COVERED.
thanks, Jason.

where did the time go?

a week left.
a fucking week.
good and bad all at once.
i get to get out of town, go home where things are familiar and comfortable and where i never feel like i don't belong, to my friends who know me better than i know myself, and to my family.

but to the people that are leaving....i don't know what i will do without you guys. i have gotten pretty close to some seniors, but two more specifically than anyone else:

brad, you're such a fantastic person...i wish all of this shit didn't happen your last semester of your senior year, but i know you'll be alright. you are a sweetie, and any girl would be lucky to be with a guy like you.

jason....i don't even know what to say. you're silly and you're funny and you make me laugh and smile. you make things better when the world starts to suck, and you mean more to me than you could understand. i don't know what i'm going to do with myself when you leave.

thank god for friends who know you when you're sad and can handle you until you're feeling better. i'm going to need them.