bittersweet

my dad called me this morning for the last time in a while. as of 10am today, he is checking into an in-patient rehabilitation facility.

he's had a drug problem ever since i was a little girl. he's "tried" to deal with it many times before, but all to no avail.

i'm hopeful that this time it will be better.

i was never really involved in any of his issues before, but when he was arrested i was right there, to cry and yell at him and hit him and tell him i love him and cry a lot more.
i've also been checking in with him, asking him if he was going to his probation meetings and going to the outpatient classes he was placed in instead of staying in jail.
i was there when a test came up dirty and there was the possibility of him going back to jail for a very long time.
i was there when he found out that he was going to be placed in an in-patient program instead of going to jail.

now i'm here, stuck without him for at least the first five weeks. i'm not allowed to visit, or call, or have any contact with him until they say i can. its going to be extremely tough, but it will be worth it so long as he can get past this.

the last thing he said to me on the phone this morning was a toast- "here's to finally hearing that pop when i pull my head outta my ass". i didn't know whether to cry or laugh. now i'm doing both.

i love you, daddy.