lost messages department

I am sitting here at work, and playing on my google account (there's nothing to do, and it's my first shift back after break. I wonder what that says about this semester.)
Jason came on chat.
I want to message him and say hi, but I don't know how he'd take it
He left the party on Sunday because I showed up (I can't know this for sure, but I'm almost positive that's what it was.)
I miss him. Well, I miss the good stuff.
Guess that's pretty typical though.

I wonder if I'll ever pluck up the courage to talk to him again.

Yes Man Challenge updates

Things I've done this year I wouldn't have done before.

1/7/11- asked Zach Dear on a date.
1/11/11- bought Princess Peach and her finish line case.
-- Also tried a grilled cheese with tomato sandwich. Disgusting, just like I thought it would be.
1/21/11- went on a date with Bryant, even though I know he is leaving. Was told to live in the present, and deal with later when it comes up. This is going to suck.
1/28/11- One night stand with Taj. Possibility of future occurrences. Amazing.
2/19/11- turned down car sex. Regretting it.
4/3/11- turned in application for FSC. Vice President Women's Recruitment. I must have a death wish or something.

I will continue to update as needed.

what is this feeling?

Leaving Vanessa's house today, it felt as if I was saying goodbye to her and Kevin for the last time. Not really sure where that feeling came from, it's really confusing. I'm not sure what brought it on, but I just felt empty and sad.

I had a nice evening, but I'm still trying to recover from it.

I need internet so I can get my calendar together :/

I need more water.

feeling miserable.

What did I do?
I was honest, direct, and told you how I felt.
I was sorry for hurting you and wished you the best.
And goodness only knows what was said on your end, but if your intention was to make me so upset I can't think of anything else, congrats, you hit your mark.
It apparently was a dumb thing to hope for, but I thought we would be polite and courteous and maybe even friendly.
Now I'm starting to question so much.
Did your friends always think I was "fake, selfish, and devious"?
What exactly have you been telling people about me?
If you've been saying such awful things, did you ever really love me?
I had such an amazing night. Inexplicably. I felt pretty, spent time with friends, met a cute boy, danced for ages, and was planning on talking with friends all night, but now I can't stop being miserable long enough to be anything but a downer.
Thank you.

1/1/11

I resolve to be honest with myself.
I need to live for me, not for anyone else.
Time to do me for the first time in a very long time.