fantastic evening!!!

went on my date with Jason :)
can't get this stupid grin off my face.

We went and got ice cream and watched Shutter Island. Let me just state for the record that movie is a TOTAL MIND FUCK.

He bought me flowers and a little teddy bear :D

but I have a physics midterm tomorrow
and haven't studied yet.

READYSETGO!

!!!!

Jason asked me out!
I told him yes, but he should ask me again today when he was 100% sober.

!!!!

temptation

frustration

....

the rest of the song doesn't apply.
XD

but seriously?
boy is persistent.
and i haven't decided if thats a good or a bad thing yet.
i don't really know what to think. does he like me? or is he just trying to get in my pants?
would i be okay with that?
i don't know.
my head is still too fuzzy from last night to be thinking about this.

yesterday....

minor setback. all better though.
while talking to Joe I realized that I have no reason to be so stressed out over this.
I barely know these boys. Why should I feel rushed?

back to center.

Cordova love

Erik

ugh i thought this semester was gonna be nothing but fun, but so far its been nothing but drama

12:26Courtney

i'm just trying to not be as down this semester

and it was working until this weekend

lol

12:26Erik

join the club

12:27Courtney

dude, i'm the fucking president.

we hold weekly meetings.

you should start going.

12:28Erik

is there beer at said meetings?

12:28Courtney

there could be

12:28Erik

shweet

conversation starts to slur....

FTBAJ19 (1:25:19 AM): one last question

myseriechick (1:25:22 AM): lol

myseriechick (1:25:24 AM): shoot

FTBAJ19 (1:25:46 AM): are you interested in brad? cuz if so i cant get in the middle of that

myseriechick (1:26:00 AM): *rolls eyes*

myseriechick (1:26:07 AM): conversation for another time, hun.

myseriechick (1:26:17 AM): get some sleep and i'll text you tomorrow okay?

FTBAJ19 (1:26:34 AM): lol aight but its a valid question, he's like my best friend

FTBAJ19 (1:26:53 AM): i just want whats best for the guy

myseriechick (1:27:09 AM): on the same note, do you know what howard thinks about lauren?

FTBAJ19 (1:27:15 AM): even if it means doing something id hate to do

FTBAJ19 (1:27:41 AM): hmm ill pull a you on that one and say tell me what she thinks first

myseriechick (1:27:59 AM): she doesn't know him but wouldn't mind getting to know him

FTBAJ19 (1:28:09 AM): eww piece of candy

myseriechick (1:28:17 AM): ?

FTBAJ19 (1:28:27 AM): damnit forgot who im dealing with

myseriechick (1:28:35 AM): ??

FTBAJ19 (1:28:38 AM): very nice lol

myseriechick (1:28:44 AM): i'm completely lost

myseriechick (1:28:45 AM): lol

myseriechick (1:28:50 AM): what does piece of candy mean?

FTBAJ19 (1:29:03 AM): lol family guy quote ill have to show u the episode someday

FTBAJ19 (1:29:14 AM): it will make sense once you c it

myseriechick (1:29:19 AM): nooooo

myseriechick (1:29:22 AM): eew family guy

myseriechick (1:29:24 AM): tell me now!

FTBAJ19 (1:29:25 AM): just a lil clip i mean

FTBAJ19 (1:29:37 AM): easier to explain in person believe me

myseriechick (1:29:53 AM): no tell me about howard!

FTBAJ19 (1:30:08 AM): he called her today

FTBAJ19 (1:30:13 AM): like he said he would

FTBAJ19 (1:30:42 AM): im pretty sure he will ask her out on a date dont rlly know what that entails dont know the asian ways yet

myseriechick (1:30:59 AM): he already asked her on a date lol

FTBAJ19 (1:31:07 AM): ya thought he did

myseriechick (1:31:15 AM): he wanted to take her to strings tonight after meeting but we got out too late

FTBAJ19 (1:31:15 AM): didnt want to b wrong lol

FTBAJ19 (1:31:25 AM): ohhhhh wow aight

FTBAJ19 (1:31:34 AM): than you know more than i do at this point

myseriechick (1:31:36 AM): hahah

myseriechick (1:31:40 AM): perks of being a girl

FTBAJ19 (1:31:54 AM): cept for other stuff im def not allowed to share

myseriechick (1:32:10 AM): ?

FTBAJ19 (1:32:42 AM): lol i dont get to know gossip stuff so you dont get to know our i guess version of gossip

myseriechick (1:33:14 AM): we pretty much spent the entire evening playing ho fa sho and connect the dots through makeouts and hook ups

FTBAJ19 (1:33:15 AM): i wanna c how this plays out though

myseriechick (1:33:16 AM): lol

myseriechick (1:33:17 AM): tell!

FTBAJ19 (1:33:28 AM): whoa what???

FTBAJ19 (1:33:41 AM): make out and hookups eh?

myseriechick (1:33:44 AM): yep

FTBAJ19 (1:33:47 AM): outs*

myseriechick (1:33:48 AM): was an interesting chart.

FTBAJ19 (1:33:58 AM): hmm where is it?

myseriechick (1:34:20 AM): hidden away and no boy will ever see it.

FTBAJ19 (1:34:27 AM): damnit

FTBAJ19 (1:34:59 AM): but you will have to answer my question that you so stealthy avoided sometime

myseriechick (1:35:15 AM): again with an eye roll

myseriechick (1:35:19 AM): go to bed silly

myseriechick (1:35:20 AM): :P

FTBAJ19 (1:35:42 AM): c!! thats what worries me that im stepping on some toes

myseriechick (1:36:20 AM): stepping on toes?

FTBAJ19 (1:36:21 AM): ugh nvm ill find out hopefully b4 i do something wrong

myseriechick (1:38:12 AM): ...

FTBAJ19 (1:38:27 AM): whats that supposed to mean?

myseriechick (1:39:04 AM): i asked what you meant by stepping on toes but i don't think you saw it

FTBAJ19 (1:39:26 AM): oh long story with that one that i dont like to remember

FTBAJ19 (1:40:03 AM): cock blocked brad just a weeeee bit freshman year and have never been able to live it down

FTBAJ19 (1:40:35 AM): but it worked out anyways they just like giving me grief

FTBAJ19 (1:41:44 AM): hence stepping on toes

myseriechick (1:42:21 AM): writing an essay?

myseriechick (1:42:22 AM): lol

FTBAJ19 (1:42:30 AM): what???

myseriechick (1:42:40 AM): you were typing for forever :P

FTBAJ19 (1:43:11 AM): no lol just had one word typed out

myseriechick (1:43:18 AM): lol

FTBAJ19 (1:43:22 AM): brain died for a min lol

myseriechick (1:44:11 AM): go to sleep silly

myseriechick (1:44:15 AM): :P

FTBAJ19 (1:44:45 AM): i will but i will ask about it cuz thats one thing i have to know

myseriechick (1:45:35 AM): we will definitely chat later

myseriechick (1:45:50 AM): but if your brain is dead and you type out one word then stop

myseriechick (1:45:53 AM): its def. bed time

myseriechick (1:45:53 AM): :P

FTBAJ19 (1:46:02 AM): aigth deal and i will take your advice

FTBAJ19 (1:46:17 AM): good night ma'am

myseriechick (1:46:22 AM): goodnight

unexpected

was not thinking that I would feel like this today
wasn't wanting to get out of bed today, but I did and was fine.
then I started feeling like I didn't want to face the world.
now I'm being torn apart on the inside.


I tried typing out how I feel, but I can't bring myself to say I hate you anymore. I am still affected every day by what you did, but now all I can think of is how everything must have seemed wrong and how much you must have hurt to do something as drastic as take your own life.

I want to tell someone how I am feeling, but am afraid no one would understand (I don't know what I would say anyways...)
I really need a hug right now.