summer solstice

I turned 20 years old yesterday.
Good, bad, ugly, beautiful, wonderful, and terrifying.

I had the best birthday ever, thanks to mom, sis, and my best friends.

I keep fighting with Jason, though :(
Over the littlest things...
One morning, after him falling asleep before I could call him, I wake up to a message saying "If you really cared about seeing me, you would make it happen."
He KNOWS I have no mode of transportation, no money to be spending, no way I can go down and spend time just hanging out and playing around. I didn't talk to him all day because I was upset, then he ignored me for another 18 hours after I said I was ready to talk when he was.

Eventually, he told me why he was upset with me, though there's nothing to do about it now. I tried to explain why I did what I did, and why I feel the way about it that I do, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't listening.

Today I finally told him it really bothers me when he texts me a million and a half times a day. Well, I asked him why he felt the need to, then I told him it bothers me. I told him if I don't reply he really doesn't need to leave me between 5 and ten messages in two hours, and he doesn't need to talk to me all day every day. I told him he needs to relax and stop worrying so darn much about everything, and he said fine, I won't talk to you first anymore, I'll wait for you to talk to me.

This is after him and I already getting into it about the nasty little snide remarks he likes to put at the end of his messages to try and make me feel guilty for whatever.
I told him to quit it, that I don't feel bad, it just makes me angry that he's trying to make me feel that way.

After all of that, he does and goes it again.

I just don't even know what to do with him anymore.

I keep telling him these things bother me, and he just goes and keeps at it.

Though he hasn't messaged me since we talked earlier...

Mom keeps saying I should break up with him. I'm awfully fucking tired of hearing that. It's my decision, and honestly, it's none of her god damned business anyway.

I'm tired of the people that I actually fall for hurting me, I really am.

On a brighter note, I sunbathed, swam, ate chocolate cake, and turned in job applications today. Fingers crossed.