not at the club, but jason is starting to really worry me
he likes to tell me multiple times a day how sad he is that i'm not there and now much he misses me and how much he wants me to be there and how much he misses me and he misses me so much and he's so sad...its starting to drive me nuts :(
i miss him, very much. but that's just aggravating.
on top of that, the self medicating is starting to bother me. a lot.
his reasoning is he can't do anything about feeling depressed, and since there's no reason for him to feel like that, smoking until he doesn't care about anything anymore is okay.
i AM NOT okay with that. ask anyone i know, i am down 100% for legalization, and have no issues with smoking. the majority of my friends and close family do, and i do on occasion (though high courtney has a tendency to go catatonic....) i really have no problem with it. but self medicating is just running away. running away from your problems is one of the worst things in the world to me. i'm not saying taking a break and some time for yourself is bad, not at all. but pushing things away and making yourself forget things because you can't deal with them? that's one of the reasons i'm still so upset with my mother after my sister's death. she couldn't deal with it, couldn't handle it, so she ran. she uprooted her entire family and everything she had going for her, and ran away.
i know i'm being selfish, and if i hadn't moved, many fantastic things wouldn't have come into my life. so that's probably a bad example. whatever, this is my space to vent, and vent i will.
he specifically said that he was getting high so he didn't have to feel sad. that he didn't want to deal with it, that he wanted to push it away to oblivion.
fuck. that.
so for now, i'm going to ignore him. let him realize he did something i'm not okay with (which i already told him), let him sober up, and we can talk about this tomorrow. i'll probably end up crying, make him feel terrible about it all, and hopefully he'll never do it again (though this rarely happens- hopefully at least he'll think twice before doing it again.) (here ya go boys, a look into how a woman's mind works when she's upset)
i am far from happy right now.
haha, fantastic. tomorrow is three months together. perfectly timed.
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boys are difficult creatures to change, love. I know, I've been trying for most of my life.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what your saying - running away is never the answer. However, no one can be helped unless they are willing to help themselves.
It's good to let Jason know where you stand on this issue, but it seems like he's in his own little pity party atm. I know Jason will eventually snap out of it (I believe in him!), but I'm gona say that might take some time and it may continue to drive you bonkers love:/
It is always hard being away from someone you love, no matter who it is. (It's hard being away from you!! :D) But before you even realize it, summer will be over and we'll see each other ^_^ horay! and like i said, im pretty sure jason will come around. :)
It's good you made it clear to him how you feel. If he's using it to kill the sadness, that's not good. However, like Tori said, he'll come around after you see him again. For now, be sure he knows where you stand and let him make the call he feels to make.
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