pretty much explains it all.

What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I let them go and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red handed
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can’t hold on when I’m stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I’m lost within
I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again

by myself [myself]
I ask why, but in my mind I find
I can’t rely on myself

[myself]
I ask why, but in my mind I find
I can’t rely on myself

I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

If I turn my back I’m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on then they’ll
Take from me ‘till everything is gone
If I let them go I’ll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I’ll be outrun
If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer

By myself
[myself]
I ask why, but in my mind I find
I can’t rely on myself
[myself]
I ask why, but in my mind I find
I can’t rely on myself

I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

How do you think / I’ve lost so much
I’m so afraid / I’m out of touch
How do you expect / I will know what to do
When all I know / Is what you tell me to

Don’t you (know)
I can’t tell you how to make it (go)
No matter what I do, how hard I (try)
I can’t seem to convince myself (why)
I’m stuck on the outside
Don’t you (know)
I can’t tell you how to make it (go)
No matter what I do, how hard I (try)
I can’t seem to convince myself (why)
I’m stuck on the outside

I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking...

I'm right there on the edge of a slump, and I'm fighting a losing battle. I feel numb and hollow, but so hurt at the same time. And in all honesty, I did it to myself (though he didn't help either).

Guess I should have known better, every other time I've tried I just got hurt, what would make this time any different?

I mean, I haven't talked to him, so its possible that I'm over-reacting, but I've got a pretty strong gut feeling, and based on last night, I highly doubt I am.

Time to crawl in bed and not see the sun for three or four days.

If it weren't for work and Psych class, and the fact that a few people might freak if I fall of the face of the earth for a week, I would just not leave my room and sleep.

I need to take a shower, I feel dirty. I'll wait until Lauren goes to class though.

Goodness, if ever I have wanted to fall back into bad habits :(