sleepless nights lead to too much thinking.

and more than too much thinking when you're kind of drunk, and talking to a guy friend that has a pretty damned good head on his shoulders.

Yesterday was my birthday.

After a full day of work, a small night of talking with friends turned into a large kickback, which resulted in me being drunker than I intended, and awake a hell of a lot longer than I meant to be.

Meaning that I didn't get any sleep last night.

And to top that off, Taj didn't call me.

Even after the last thing he said to me Sunday was that he promised he would call me last night.


I'm still trying to figure out how to handle this. I was hoping my heart to heart with Arron would shed a little more light on the situation. A male opinion from someone I consider to be one of the best men I've ever met should give me a little more perspective, right?

No. Arron put rather simply, more than once, that a good guy would never. EVER. do something as dumb as to forget something like that.
And not that things don't happen, life doesn't get in the way. But to not even send a text or a facebook message saying I'm sorry, I couldn't call, but happy birthday sweetie?

really?






I got in the shower at about 545, and when I got out to cook me and Arron breakfast, I noticed my iPod was playing. I don't remember turning it on last night. But, it somehow was on my anti-boy playlist (chock full of Sinead and Avril and Pink) and Losing Grip was playing.

I've got breakup songs of all sorts running through my head right now.

I want to not talk to him until he talks to me first. I think the only way that I'll get away with doing this would be to delete him from my phone. Lauren has his number, if I really want it I can get it back from her. But damnit, I'm upset. I'm hurt. I feel like I don't matter at all. And none of those are okay, in any situation. But especially not on my fucking birthday.



Angry post needs to end now. I'm sure I'll be back to post the results of all of this mess later.