easter weekend

kind of a fail.
we get to bruce and julie's, i get to take a shower, and things are fine and dandy
sitting on the front porch smoking with robbie (because they still don't know i smoke so i couldn't in the back yard with everyone else)
and a guy rides up on this yellow honda.
robbie and i laugh to each other, and i say "who's this douchebag?", but quietly enough only she hears me
the guy takes his helmet off, and lo and behold its mom's ex, Shawn.
I laugh at the fact that was so perfect, but then after about 2 seconds the humor wears off and I'm left to the realization that the day was going to SUCK.

i still blame him for my mom and dad splitting up- i always will.
he's an asshole.
i honestly hate him at times.
and though he was kind of a douchebag yesterday, it wasn't as bad as i've seen him.

what really hurt me was hearing my mom and my uncle talk shit about my dad.
i know they have every right to feel however they want to towards him, and even though my mom doesn't like me seeing my dad, she doesn't stop me from it.
she tries her best to never say anything negative about him, because she knows he means a lot to me.
bruce, on the other hand, almost got the shit beat out of him. he started trash talking, and wouldn't stop for about 5-10 minutes, even after i started crying. so, i left. i got mom's keys and grabbed gabbie and we went and saw my dad.

i remember growing up and easter being a dry holiday- it was for the kids, not the parents, so there was no alcohol allowed. i wish things had stayed that way, yesterday would have been a lot easier on me.

i don't really know what to think about the most of yesterday, all i know is i remember why i hated family holidays so much when i was younger.