small and broken

I am sorry if I even once demonstrated the ugly side. I'm sure I did, and I feel terrible. I completely agree, it shouldn't be the way it us. It brings out some of the worst parts of us.

I know you couldn't see it, but it also brought out something amazing. My sisters can be so catty, so mean to each other...and all of that fell away this week. I've never seen these girls work so hard and so cohesively together. It really is amazing, and that is why I thanked the men last night. For giving me and my sisters something to rally around, something to bring us together and act the way we should.

I am so so so sorry you were put in the middle of things. I understand why you're so upset, I am disappointed in some of us as well. Hopefully the kinks and things will work out in years to come so the ugliness of this past week can be avoided.

Whew.

Jason is upset with me. He thinks we don't spend enough time together, that I don't want to spend time with him. I really want to go up to him and slap him across the face. I am so hurt right now I don't even know how to explain it.

He was supposed to go to his fraternity's event last night, and didn't tell me until I was on the way there that he wasn't going to show up. When I asked why, he said he didn't want to be there when the winners were announced. I understood that, and even though I wanted him to be there, I didn't say anything, even though I had hoped he would be there to support his brothers, and support me in the competition.

I asked him afterward if I was going to see him at his brothers house, that I wanted him to go because I had barely seen him in the past few days, and no reply.

I sent him a message when I got home saying I was in bed, and I guess I would talk to him tomorrow, he said he was glad I had a good time. I said I wished he had gone, he said he didn't feel like it because he wasn't in the mood to socialize. I asked him if he was upset, and he said yes, but he didn't want to talk about it then. So I said goodnight.

Angela came up to me today at bobcat day and said I needed to talk to Jason, because he was upset because he feels like I don't want to spend time with him.

I don't want to spend time with HIM?

The past week has been insane. Trying to participate in Derby Days as much as possible, while balancing school, and work, and taking care of Jason's birthday present....the time I do have to spend with him, he doesn't feel like hanging out. What does he want from me? I'm sorry I have other responsibilities. I'm sorry I have had so many tests lately, and so many things I have had to take care of. I'm sorry that in the free time I have had, I couldn't spend every waking moment of it with him.

I can't even do this right now.